“Until He Finds Me: Being Single in the Will of God”

by Crystal Kelly | February 10th, 2011
Crystal Patterson author of "Until He Finds Me: Being Single in the Will of God"

Crystal Patterson author of "Until He Finds Me: Being Single in the Will of God"

When I was first introduced to the book, “Until He Finds Me-Being Single in the Will of God”, it  reminded me of a famous quote by Maya Angelou,  “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.” The title by itself tells a story that many women today are so familiar with – being single while trying to be obedient to God’s will.  Crystal Patterson, author and a single mother of three has experienced many of the trials and tribulations of dealing with the wrong men while searching for the right man. She expresses throughout her book that God revealed to her that it wasn’t her search to complete and not her will to follow, but it is His will and on His terms.

Patterson  walked into adulthood at an early age. She became a mother at the tender age of 17. She is now a proud single mother of three children and has discovered that her experience with bad relationships has helped develop and strengthen her relationship with God. She was a senior at North Mecklenburg High School in Charlotte, N.C. when she had her first child. Fear and loneliness grew along with the new life growing inside her . She was afraid to reveal the pregnancy to her parents because of their strong values. They did not condone conceiving children outside of wedlock. Although she wasn’t ashamed to have her child,  she always felt that she had somehow disappointed herself, her parents and most of all God  She was raised in a Baptist church and was always taught that fornication was a sin and women should not conceive outside of wedlock.

Patterson was able to hide her pregnancy for approximately five months; until her mother was informed by a mutual friend. Although her mother revealed that because a mother knows her child, she had always known, she allowed Patterson to come to them on her own time. Her parents discussed that this child was her responsibility and she would have to work and take care of it. They were loving, but very firm and strict. After the birth of her first child and graduating from high school, she was faced with many financial hardships. She went from working part-time to working temporary jobs. She struggled to pay for daycare and babysitters because her parents didn’t help financially. This distance from her family made her feel alone. She wasn’t getting the support she needed at home so she sought the attention she was lacking from men. At the age of 21, she had her second child and was forced to move out of her parent’s home.

Her problems went from bad to worse as her assignment from her temporary job ended and she found herself homeless. Drifting back and forth from several family and friends’ homes with her children she always felt like giving up. However, giving up was not an option because she had children that she loved who depended on her.  Her desire to find a man to love continued to lead her to fall into one bad relationship after another.  Depression weighed heavy on her heart.

At 24, she had her last child and decided it was time to rededicate herself to God. Walking on her own terms in her own way was leading her to dead ends and she decided it was time for a breakthrough. “As I prayed I would tell God what I wanted in a man and then I expected him to cosign to my list of demands,” says Patterson. “I was walking in the permissive will of God instead of His perfect will.” In 2004, she became a licensed minister. She had a story to tell and she wanted to minister to young women who were  searching for happiness in men instead of allowing God to provide what He had in store for them.  Knowing that she did not fit into the box of normalcy, Patterson says, “I consider myself a person that thinks outside the box; I need to know exactly why things are the way they are or why I am doing something.”  “Also”, she says, “I  cannot follow along with the crowd and be okay with that. I had to learn how to let go and let God lead me.”

Her new found relationship with God grew stronger and she submitted to His plan for her.

In 2006 she penned Until He Finds Me – Being Single in the Will of God. This book is a ministry to women who are submitting their lists, wants and desires to God. If you seek God first you will then desire what He wants for you and He will give you the desires of your heart. If you wait, trust and believe, He will deliver. Crystal writes, “The Lord let me know that my problem was that I desired to have a relationship with the right man to fulfill my needs and give me love. Then He let me know that he desired for me to have a relationship with Him and the He would fulfill all my needs and give me real love.”

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